Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
