She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
