there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
