Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
