She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
