He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
