dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
