i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
