I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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