I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
