This is not my ceiling
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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