Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
