Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i think my cat just said my name.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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