How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
