I just pynch a tree in the face
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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