i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
