...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
