shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
