I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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