What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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