I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
