He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
