He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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