I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
