there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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