If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
