When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
