I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
