for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
