I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
