Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
