I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
