listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wear drunk well.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
