I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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