Can i not drive my cunt home
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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