i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
