I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
