I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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