i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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