Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
