I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
