Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
