im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
