I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
