Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
