Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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