Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
birth control should be required to get into college
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
