let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
