Only a mothe r could love this liver
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
