remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
